Ronnie Smith and the Fat Man
	I went down to the beach, working on my redneck tan today. I had the speedos on, so the chicks can dig my package. I had it tucked to the left.  All cool with a Marlboro Menthol screwed into my lips.      The pickings were slim on the beach area. Most of the hags I wouldn't fuck with a paper bag over my cock. I get thirsty and walk over to the opposite side which has a small bar. I call over the bartender who is old with a hump on his back. I order a banana daiquiri and the guy gives me a look because now he has to bend over to use the damn blender. This chick is beside me while the bartender is making my drink. I try to hit on her but the cunt is on her high horse. She gives me an attitude, it seems I interrupted her while she was talking to her fat girlfriend.      “That'll be $7.50.” “Fucking shit buddy! That's a bit steep for a fucking drink. Damn, you sure that hump on your back isn't your ass? Everything else is high around here.”      I keep my money in my speedos. I flick open the top and expose the ol' gutwrench to that twat beside me with an attitude. She just gasps in disgust while her girlfriend blushes and tries to look away.      “Don't pretend you don't like it honey.  It’s one size fits all. Hey, fatty over there likes it.”      I give the bartender a ten. He returns my change which I tuck back into my speedo. Usually I tip the bartender but fuck him. I don't care if those two quarters rub my balls raw, he ain't gettin' shit. $7.50 for a drink, can you believe it? They should have a doctor patching up assholes in the back of this place, for being fucked so hard.      I walk out and this bitch beach cop gives me shit for trying to walk out of the designated drinking area. I try to light a cigarette and the cooze points over to a no smoking sign. “Damn lady, if you treat your husband like you do the patrons here, he must not know whether to shit or jump backwards.”      “Enough with the attitude, sir!”      She asks me for my i.d. which is nesting around my left nut. I dig it out and give her a peek of ol' winky. She gets all snooty. “Sir, if you don't watch it, I'm going to run you in!” I blow her off, finish my drink and walk back to scoping out broads. I see this one with some huge knockers. You could titty fuck her and feel the back of your balls around her navel. “Damn!”      I listen to her talking to her girlfriend lying next to her. The girlfriend didn't have much, she was the type of broad you use as a cum dumpster after all the cars have left the lounge parking lot. Maybe if the moonlight is illuminating at a certain angle you could pop a boner for her. At least her ass was fat enough to hide behind in case somebody's headlights came sneaking up on you in the middle of the night. But shit, what the hell am I talking about her anyway for?      I hear them talking about their lame boyfriends. Seems the ugly one is getting nothing these days, no surprise! The surprise is the chick with the big melons wasn't getting it either. She's right up my alley.  I should be able to score this trick. Ol' ugly tells a joke and the those big titties just go a bouncing, she laughs so hard she starts choking. "Oh my, I think I lost my breath!" she says. This is what I call a backdoor proposition and interrupt their parade.      “Oh, I'm sorry. I'll try and walk behind you next time.”      It's an old line that works on this type of woman. Hell, we all know how women lack a sense of humor and fall for gimmicks and charm. The two laugh and I start the usual bullshit. I have the two laughing and getting wet. I then do the speedo squat, which tightens up the trunks in the front to where the outline of my cock looks like it was wrapped in cellophane.      I know they are looking, their eyes are wandering about, trying not to stare. I talk that hot babe into putting some suntan lotion on her back, when I hear a scream from off in the distance, “Hey, get your god damned hands off of my wife!”      I look up and this fat balding guy is the one yelling. He is standing next to some short stack of shit who was trying to look like Tom Cruise from Topgun or some shit. He looked like he was eat up with the damn worms, skinny and about as poor as Jobe’s turkey.      I just continue rubbing this broad’s shoulders. “Hey, get your fucking hands off of her!”      I couldn't believe a windbag like this dude could score this type of trim. I stand up and begin to defend myself.      “Why don't you and your girlfriend over there go fuck yourself! Maybe if you got off your fat ass and knocked some of the dust off of this chicks box, she wouldn't cat around.”      The two dudes begin cussing up a fit and come walking over. I say to myself "fuck it" and go off to meet them halfway, when one of my flip-flops gets hung in the sand and I trip over and fall on my ass. The onlookers are laughing which pisses me off. The fat fuck is just a talking.      “That's what you get, you son of a bitch, for fucking with my old lady! Just stay right there though, I got something for you asshole!”      I grab that flip-flop I tripped over and throw it at this fat guy. It misses terribly which draws more laughs from these dimwits. I get a full head of steam and we start grappling. The motherfucker was a hand full, so I try to sling him over. His damn foot steps on the backside of my other flipflop and he slings me down on the sand. That 50 cents lying next to my cods rolls out and those fucking inbreeds gathered around to watch this fight go into hysterics. Even the fat guy and his wormy buddy are laughing. I get fed up and stick a good right jab into fatty’s snout to shut him up. I get ready to throw another one and that bitchy beach cop gets between us, just a raising hell at me.      “I warned you to watch it! Off the beach and now or I'll arrest you!”      I walk away not completely satisfied with the outcome. I overhear the little shit with the tapeworm smart off as I was being led off. I glanced up at him and figured he looked too much like Tom Cruise not to slap the shit out of him. So I did and got arrested. The cop had me in cuffs. I'm bitching about my fifty cents, so she picks it up, pulls the back of my speedos into the crack of my ass and shoves it in, then turns me in the direction of her car.      Assholes just laughing all around. I look at that bitch cop. “Damn honey, maybe after bail, me and you ca--”      “Shut your fucking mouth, dirtbag!” is the last thing this bitch says to me on the ride down. I try to get her number but instead I get a drunk and disorderly charge off that damn banana daiquiri.      I'm sitting in the lockup, cussing these flip-flops and these two queers are prissing at me in the corner. I threaten to kill them and they go off giggling like tipsy homos.  Thankfully, the old lady shows up to bail me out. She's giving me that eye and I tell her “I don't have time for this shit now!”      In the middle of the night I reflect on this embarrassment. I think about those big ass titties on that girl, roll over the old lady, and fuck the shit out of her, pretending all the time she's that damn whore. Sand still in the crack of my ass from being slung on that damn beach. The friction oddly stimulates me to a lewd point of my fantasy.      And I cum all over my wife's tits.