Ronnie Smith Gets Conflicted

   The old lady is going out of town to her damn mother’s house. Finally,  I can get some relief from her nagging on my ass. I finish up loading half of the house she packed to go out there, screw in a Marlboro Menthol, and take a puff.

     “Ronnie, you didn’t forget to load my vacuum cleaner did you?”
     “There is no room for it. Doesn’t your mom have one?”
     “I don’t like hers and she wants me to help her clean the house. She threw out her back working in the yard.”
     “She probably threw it out wrestling Walter while he was trying to get a piece of ass off of her one night.”
     “Ronnie, I know you think my father is fat. You shouldn’t say such things.”
     “I didn’t say he was fat, but now that you mention it he-”
     “Ronnie, shut your fucking mouth and load the vacuum!”

     I do what I’m told, knowing the reward is much sweeter. She turns out of the driveway and I run in the house and get on the phone.

     “Hey Andy, what are you and that pile of shit brother doing tonight?”
     “I don’t know.  They got this wrestling match down at Backside tonight.”
     “Man, that fucking Backside blows ass. Let’s go to Mayford’s and get drunk.”
     “Naw, I can’t Ronnie. That fucking Mayford threw me out last Sunday.”
     “He throws me out every night I go there.”
     “I promised Larry we’d go to see that wrestling show.”
     “Who gives a shit what your dumb-ass brother wants, there isn’t any pussy at Backside.”
     “You’re wrong, Ronnie. I went the last time and the place was crawling with ass. Those chicks dig that wrestling.  You should go with us. We can get drunk there. It’s fun, I promise you.
     “I don’t know.  I might go somewhere else.”
     “No, I’ll drive, Ronnie. Shit, it will be fun, I know it will.”
     “You sure there are some broads there?”
     “Yeah, even Larry could get laid there.”

     I get cleaned up and put on a nice splash of aftershave. Wait outside and soak up a little of the cool falltime air. Andy and his brother Larry pull in, honking the damn horn like it was just invented. They get out and start bull shitting with me for a few minutes. I liked Andy and have been friends with him since we were in high school. His younger brother Larry was a fucking loaf of stale shit. I could not stand this bastard and that fucking ponytail he wore. You ever wondered who fills the condoms and french tickler machines up? It’s this jack-off and he always carries around a pocket full of them to pass out as samples, like he was some doctor or somebody you would give a shit about. Tries to joke with you and he is about as funny as a colostomy bag.

     “Damn, Ronnie, your aftershave smells like cat piss and horseradish!”
     “I was eating out your wife an hour ago, Larry. Tell her to wash here ass next time.”
     “Damn, Ronnie, you don’t have to get mad about it.”
     “Well, look at it from my side. How would you feel after oral sex if you went home with shit on your shirt collar?”
     “Damn, Ronnie. I was talking about your aftershave not my wife.”
     “I know that, you dumb bastard. Now scoot your fat ass over so we can go.”

     See what I told you, how annoying this windbag is? If I didn’t like his brother so much, I would slap the shit out of him.

     We load up and ride down the road, get to the Backside lounge at dusk. I cannot explain it but walking in a bar at dusk gives me goose bumps. It’s the magic of high expectation, you feel as if you can’t lose when you enter. I love it.

     Andy was right about the place crawling with chicks. The problem was they had faces of the chicks serving mashed potatoes at your local prison. I saw nothing worth throwing a damn rock at, just nothing. Andy was just drinking.  I could see it now, my ass mashed in a tree trunk later tonight. Larry, that ignorant bastard, is handing out french ticklers to the other bar patrons. It’s a wonder one of them fellows’ didn’t take it personally, and kick his ass.

     I drink a few beers and it wasn’t long before the wrestling matches began. These guys didn’t resemble the ones on television.  Hell, these guys were just construction workers moonlighting on the weekends, spitting in the crowd and holding back their hands like they are about to slap one of the audience members. This old lady was arguing with one wrestler, who went under the name The Wife Beater. He told her he was about to knock her teeth down her fucking throat. This bitch goes one up on him, pulls out her dentures and told him to stick it up his ass. Funny as shit.

     Then this guy with this hairy back comes out hooting like an ape. Gnawing on this damn bone he must have stolen from the university biology class. He wrestled some guy in a mask, but he had the build and the same tattoo as this ignorant queer who works at the movie theater named Harry Gloss. I always thought he liked having a set of balls resting on his chin. He was an usher who probably enjoyed washing up the jism left behind after the feature. Harry wasn’t half bad as a wrestler though. He threw that ape guy into a row of chairs outside of the ring, then picked one up and beat the piss out of him with it. Maybe I should hold my tongue before calling him a cocksucker again.

     They had this guy eat up with the worms for the next match. He was wrestling the champ who had this tin star stapled on a weightlifter’s belt. Damn, if the beers were as water downed as this damn wrestling, I would never come back to this fucking place. That little wormy bastard crawled up on the top of that ring to jump off on his opponent. The lazy prick who runs this bar never takes down the Christmas lights, so when this skinny fuck jumps off he gets his neck hung in a strand of those lights and nearly decapitates himself. He has himself hung in those lights and it twisted him so bad that it threw his little ass into one of the tables. It seated about six drunk motherfuckers and they got up and began stomping the shit out of that guy. The lazy prick owner was so cheap, he threw out the wrestler so he could continue making money off of these drunks buying beers. Beats all I ever saw, fucking cheap ass fuck!

     But before I could speak they were holding the next match. They had this dude wearing a cape with feathers on it, posing around like a damn fairy. The audience was flicking cigarette butts at him trying to catch his feathers on fire. The folly was over as his opponent came out and it was this big muscular girl. She had arms bigger than Moose Carver, big breasts that were ripped with muscle in between them. She could rip your dick off if you titty fucked her. She was tall, well over six feet wearing leather like a dominatrix.  She was one scary bitch who went into that ring, grabbed a handful of that fairy dude’s hair and began laying an ass whipping on him. The crowd went nuts, throwing beer cans in the ring, shouting out obscenities.

     “Kill that faggot! Stomp him into a greasy shit stain!”
     “Choke the piss out him with that damn feathery cape!”
     “Hold him down and fuck him in the ass!”

     It was brutal, the best thing I’ve seen in Backside since two lesbians got locked up for fighting out in the parking lot on a long ago Saturday night. The big broad picked this guy up over her head and dropped him on his back. Took the heel of her boot and ground it into his throat. Then kicked him in the balls and pinned him. The crowd shouted One-Two-Three and jumped up and around like children. Hell, I was jumping too and the sight of this chick had me hard and tore slap up.

     It was the last match and nearly closing time. I argued with Andy and Larry in the parking lot, telling them to go home. The way Andy was staggering, it was a sensible decision. My safety wasn’t the issue though. I had a cab called and made him wait with his lights off for nearly an hour until I saw what I was after.

     The big woman comes outside to her car, a fucking subcompact that she can barely squeeze her ass into. I tell the cabby to follow her, and he looks at me like I’m fucked up. “Just go, fuckhead. I’ll tip you and pay for the time you sat in the parking lot.” He did what he was told and never lost her, until she pulled into this lousy hotel on the outskirts of town. I told him to give me a card in case I needed a ride home. This one was going to be a challenge and I had no angle to use on her.

     I walked behind trying not to be noticed, thinking of how I could get her attention. I was scratching my chin perplexed on what to say when I noticed I couldn’t see her anymore. I tried to increase my pace, staring about confused until out from the shadows this big bitch grabs me and put me against the wall. Close up she was a monster.  She had me outgunned on every aspect. The strength of this woman was incredible.  I could not move at all.

     “What the fuck do you want?” she asks. “I know you have been following me since we left the bar, what the fuck do you think you got planned? You had better talk before I beat your ass all over this place!”

     I was frightened. I was. I knew of nothing to say except the one thing I never do in this situation, tell the truth.

     “I wanted so bad to meet you, I thought you were incredible,” I said.
     “So you thought you could follow me, try to get in my pants?” she replies.
     “Yes, at this hour, it’s all I wanted. I would be lying to you if I said anything else. I came all this way in hopes to fuck you in a bad way.” while trying to smile.

     It was the truth.  I was breathing heavy, waiting for her to kick the dogshit out of me. The beer I drank that night was burning off in a big hurry. She loosens up her grip, pulls out her keys and opens a door next to the wall she had me pressed against. She just pushes me inside and from the looks of it, she wasn’t planning to stay much longer here. Probably another gig in a different town for such an oddity as her. I try to begin a conversation to ease the tension, but she looks over and tells me to shut the fuck up. She pulls out these two contraptions which have a small electric cord that runs out to this small vibrator the size of a bullet. She tells me to strip as I watch her, half expecting a dick to be between her legs. Her body was as magnificent as it was strange, hardened like stone and sculpted like a mythical figure you saw on posters in a pothead’s dorm room.

     I went to her trying to kiss her lips and she just pushes me off. I just sit there not sure of what to do, never has a damn woman intimidated me. She picks up those vibrators and shoves me down on the bed. I’m laying on my back while she mounts me, my dick is hard and she is just sitting on it, without putting it inside her. She sticks one of those little bullet vibrators in her ass, turns it wide open as she has my arms pinned down. She is kissing me and biting me along different parts of my face. I can feel the vibrations shoot through my lower body and my cock is throbbing.

     “You want to stick it in bad, don’t you?” she asks.

     I am afraid to open my damn mouth, and I begin to wonder if this was such a good idea. If this bitch decided to fuck me up, there wouldn’t be much I could do about it. I was trapped. She grabs some lube and applies it onto the other bullet. “This pill is for you, boy. Let’s see how incredible you think I am now?”

     She sticks that damn thing up my ass and turns it on wide open. A look of bewilderment all over my face of what am I going to do. I should just shit this thing out, punch this bitch in the face and take my chances. Thoughts racing through my mind as she mounts my still hard cock. The vibrations going back and forth in different variations as this huge twat is going up and down like my cock was a saddle. I feel her kiss my ears as she contracts the muscles in her pussy trying to force me to cum. The muscles in her tits flexing as she rocks back and begins going faster and faster. My eyes fixated on her cunt as it has me in a vice, a wonderment of existence as she cums wildly, juices flowing through the crack of my pill-filled ass, soaking the sheets underneath. I follow her immediately and cum in convulsions that seem to last seconds past its normal delivery. The chicken place rarely gives paying customers the gravy I filled this sick twat up with.

She looks at my blank face, kisses me slowly and tells me she is through with me. She gets off of me, pulls that damn bullet out of my ass by snatching the cord. Shoves me and my handful of clothes out to the night sidewalk. I hear the deadbolt turn inside of her door and know better than to knock on it. I get dressed and call the number on the card that goofy ass cabby gave me. I call it and that same one pulls up to take me home.

     “Oh mister, you look as if you were lucky tonight. How are you feeling?”
     “Shut up, dot head and drive!” I yell out.

     I go inside and take a shower, wash that fucking ass jelly out of my hole, conflicted with my heterosexual pride. I get another hard-on an hour later while laying in bed.

     I ignore him because he just doesn’t understand what I have been through today . . .