She Never was Accountable
	Odd looking back. Misinformed youth with only the mistakes of others to guide me. I never had a chance in this world. Typical youth with the shine of lost virginity, recently at the time. He was the world to me at that moment. A fleeting one that hangs with me an eternity. Or at least a lifetime. 81/2 months of burden and loneliness. The labor in itself, a sum to all things left behind. As I turned my back on that infant . . .      Finally it was the time for me to be born again . . .      Just give her this locket and tell her, “If you have no answers left? Hold it to your breast tightly, then follow the first thought that comes to mind . . .”      I've never seen her again throughout this butchering of my life. Many loves, many dreams, many disappointments. The road ahead never seemed to change for me. I walked blindly, barely supporting myself, sometimes doing those things that bring tears later, especially when it's dark and alone.      Another career, another course to begin a new angle, for the same game with desires unfulfilled on the other end of the street. A vibrant environment, women half my age, it gives me peace. Near forty now with confidence brewing. Alone I may be but it seems slow enough for me to enjoy the ride . . .      Finally, for once I have something to build on . . .      My career takes off. I finally understand responsibility. I like it, for it teaches me control. A control I now use to teach the other girls in the office . . .      Finally I am something . . .      Some stay and some go.  I try not to get attached to them.      Finally I'm a mother . . .      Girl’s night out every Friday after work. Traditions establish routine.  Routine establishes self esteem. Us girls get a little tipsy, we like to dance together. A shell from the elements.      Finally I have a family . . .      All night I sit beside one. She's young and vibrant like me long ago, which makes me worry for her. We tip back the glasses discussing our little detours. She is so fragile it scares me. A slow dance, innocent at first, hand in hand, giggling in between like I was a teen again. I see the pain in the back of her thoughts, we dance closer . . .      Finally I can make a difference . . .      She kisses me on the lips, startled I'm speechless. Tender and intoxicated, I feel a small hint of passion. It's not good for me, what do I do now? Let's take her home before she breaks down. She's hurting inside and so am I. So much that she leads me right inside, hand in hand. Now I'm fragile and it hits me. I always have been . . .      She makes me succumb. She makes me feel young, then old again as I look through my feelings. I'm flat on my back again with new lips and the same intentions. She's not like all the rest, not in the least. She violates me with a different kindness, a soft side that she uses to penetrate me.  She fucks me to a new hope, a new dream . . .      Finally I can move on . . .      Watching her sleep curled up. I wonder if this is the answer. I look puzzled as she begins stroking my hair. Her fingers tracing the maturity on my face. “Are you okay?” she asks.  I nod “Just a little clueless, that's all.”  She smiles and opens her night stand. “Here, keep this with you.” she says. “It's a special gift that's gotten me through life . . .”      “I was told if you have no answers left, hold it to your breast tightly, then follow the first thought that comes to mind . . .”